How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s Boy”?!
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How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s Boy”?! - 7/22/2010 7:08:00 PM
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srvHimalone
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I’m very disappointed with my husband. We went for a trip to visit my in-laws (mainly meant his parents) and this time was worse than other times. I found my husband to be a “mommy’s boy”. We went to another family’s party while we were visiting and staying with his parents. And in the party or any parties his parents usually very up tight and just seat there on the couch and not getting up or walking around at all…
Now, my husband usually is a very out going, out spoken man but what I noticed this time about him was that he had became like a little boy sitting between his dad and mom afraid to get up and move around…( I’ve asked him to do a small favor that required him to get up from between them, and he refused.) I really got very turn off from him and have hard time forgetting it. I couldn’t talk to anyone and at the same time I don’t have respect for such a behavior. Especially from a married grown man.
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/22/2010 7:59:41 PM
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CMT8808
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srvHimAlone~
I actually do not see you husband as a momma's boy. I see him trying to be respectful to his parents who may not know how to socialize in a large group setting.
When you asked him to participate, did you state that you would stay with his parents?
My first husband was very much a momma's boy and your husband does not fit. My ex-husband had to call his mother daily, every week-end we had to stop over, we had to take her with us if we planned something, and the list goes on, including at times putting her before me.
Now my present husband has a deep love for his mom and father, but he calls them maybe once a week and is very respectful of them.
When his mom almost died, she actually thanked me for letting him fly out to be by her side. So there is a difference between being a momma's child (boy) verses just being respectful
CMT
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/22/2010 9:07:44 PM
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srvHimalone
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CMT8808
srvHimAlone~
I actually do not see you husband as a momma's boy. I see him trying to be respectful to his parents who may not know how to socialize in a large group setting.
When you asked him to participate, did you state that you would stay with his parents?
Thank you CMT. I hope you’re right. No, I didn’t state that I would sit between them, but the hosts were their own children and grand kids. Meaning they’re also my in-laws. And during our stay with them 95% of the time they talked to each others. So me and my husband seldom talked to each others, because they had his whole attentions.
My first husband was very much a momma's boy and your husband does not fit. My ex-husband had to call his mother daily, every week-end we had to stop over, we had to take her with us if we planned something, and the list goes on, including at times putting her before me.
My husband also calls them once every 3-4 days and most of the calls are over 40-45 minutes. And when they used to live close to us; my husband would have drive us to see them every weekend if not because we lived about 100 miles away from them.
Now my present husband has a deep love for his mom and father, but he calls them maybe once a week and is very respectful of them.
When his mom almost died, she actually thanked me for letting him fly out to be by her side. So there is a difference between being a momma's child (boy) verses just being respectful
CMT
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 12:11:13 AM
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bolt.
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It is very unwise of you to dwell on the unflattering things about your husband, and to use contemptuous names to describe his very minor flaws. Doing so is a good way to end up unhappy and shrewish.
Just realize that you didn't marry a perfect man (and that there are none of those in existence anyways) and try to make the best out of his good side.
As for his bad side, his parents are a little bit over reserved, and your husband tends to fit back into that mold when he's around them. That's a bit annoying, and it makes visits frustrating for you --- but nothing more than that. After all, he went to visit them -- he has you every day forever! Let it go.
(If the phone calls are a bit long, talk to him about that, say, "I often feel like I'm waiting for you to get off the phone. It makes me feel like I matter less to you than your folks do. It's silly becasue I know you love me, but I feel it just the same. Do you think you could find a way to wrap up those calls or keep them a bit shorter?")
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 12:48:47 AM
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deermousie
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It could be they were very controlling and he still falls under their thumbs when he is with them. Sounds like it some. Pray for him, that God will heal him, and gently ask him sometimes if he feels like he has to do things a certain way or will his parents get mad.
If this is so, he's a hurtin' guy and you can be a help by understanding and holding him up to God and holding up his reputation before others. Never say anything bad about him to family; they'll never forget it.
God bless you both.
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 11:21:36 AM
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laura...
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Is he neglecting you? Is his relationship with his parents causing him to be dysfunctional as a husband, father, provider, etc? Nothing you have posted is indicative of an unhealthy relationship between your husband and his parents.
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 12:52:09 PM
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jaimestarcross
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I don't seem to find your description true of your husband.
I would ask what your relationship is like with them and also how
do you get along with your own parents? How often do you interact with them?
It seems his parents aren't party people and that is fine... so he keeps them entertained
during such events...how nice of him.
Depending upon their ages and or health ...socializing can be tiring/trying for an older person
or for someone who isn't in good health.
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 4:38:08 PM
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srvHimalone
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
It is very unwise of you to dwell on the unflattering things about your husband, and to use contemptuous names to describe his very minor flaws. Doing so is a good way to end up unhappy and shrewish.
Thanks for your advice, bolt. I don’t know how else to call this type of behavior to describe such type for a man? Any suggestion?
Just realize that you didn't marry a perfect man (and that there are none of those in existence anyways) and try to make the best out of his good side.
Yes. That is the exact reminder (he is also not perfect) that I’m trying to tell myself.
As for his bad side, his parents are a little bit over reserved, and your husband tends to fit back into that mold when he's around them.
You’re right! I totally agree on this.
That's a bit annoying, and it makes visits frustrating for you --- but nothing more than that. After all, he went to visit them -- he has you every day forever! Let it go.
(If the phone calls are a bit long, talk to him about that, say, "I often feel like I'm waiting for you to get off the phone. It makes me feel like I matter less to you than your folks do. It's silly becasue I know you love me, but I feel it just the same. Do you think you could find a way to wrap up those calls or keep them a bit shorter?")
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 4:43:13 PM
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srvHimalone
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
It could be they were very controlling and he still falls under their thumbs when he is with them.
Deermousie, you’re right. They’re very controlling and my husband still falls under their thumbs soooo obvious when he is with them physically. (I think he doesn’t even know that himself)
Sounds like it some. Pray for him, that God will heal him, and gently ask him sometimes if he feels like he has to do things a certain way or will his parents get mad.
Yes. His parents would definitely get mad and won’t talk to him for a long time. And then my husband will get so hurt. I know…(It happen before)
If this is so, he's a hurtin' guy and you can be a help by understanding and holding him up to God and holding up his reputation before others. Never say anything bad about him to family; they'll never forget it.
I’m the type usually keep things to myself. I will not even talk about this matter or other matters with my own side of family. That’s why I’m so thankful for having this Christian community and you guys to talk to and discuss things with.
God bless you both.
God bless you too.
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 4:52:34 PM
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srvHimalone
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
Is he neglecting you? Is his relationship with his parents causing him to be dysfunctional as a husband, father, provider, etc? Nothing you have posted is indicative of an unhealthy relationship between your husband and his parents.
Hi Laura,
Yes. When he is with them physically, just consider he is their child and that’s it! How can you feel that you have a husband if you can’t even say “excuse me….” to try to cut into their conversation (he would get very upset, I’ve tried).
And No, not if we’re far away from his parents. And if their contact is only through phone.
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 7:12:08 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
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Is there a cultural thing here? Your use of English makes me wonder. In some cultures it is *much* harder to break from parents.
If he is a decent, reasonable man in his own home, away from his parents, I think it is really unkind of you to hold this against him so strongly.
It's something to talk about, something to work on together over time, and perhaps something to motivate you to spend less time with his parents, but...to hang on to your distaste and hold a grudge against him will hurt your heart and your marriage. You already know he was damaged and hurting, you know he loses awareness when in their presence. This is not something to despise him for, but to pray for and encourage him. 
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"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/23/2010 11:13:31 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 2317
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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quote:
I don’t know how else to call this type of behavior to describe such type for a man? Any suggestion?
"Tends to be over-considerate of demanding people, leading to neglect of nicer people."
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Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/26/2010 12:09:56 PM
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Lyrach
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I ten to agree with Deermousie's response. I believe that there is a definite leave & cleave command in the bible - hello! And, I also agree with being respectful to your parents without staying in the parent/child relationship when you're a married adult! I don't know if your husband is aware of how much he still has that kind of a relationship with his parents, and, yes, you both need to talk about it with each other, out of love, respectfully. You might've felt odd about it (yes, even preturbed) because he IS commanded, in the bible to have a different relationship with his parents now that he is a man - he shall leave his mom & dad (doesn't mean you don't visit, or socialize ,etc) & cling to his wife. Also, in Proverbs 31 - her husband is known at the gates, and sits among the elders. ... I understand how your heart races when you see this behavior. I've seen similar in my husband. I talked to a counselor about it on my own, then to my husband & then I prayed to God if He had something to reveal to my hubby then He would....well, He did. My husband has/had always wanted approval in his parents' eyes. To this day, they have trouble showing him this in a way that he understands. It is a very critical, legalistic, and perfectionistic family, and the other siblings (my dh is the eldest) do not hang around with their parents as much as my dh does. Finally, my husband realized he can seek other mentours & elders / Godly men to speak into his life, and, even if his parents do not change, he can love them now, as a MAN of God - one who is comitted to Christ, and his family. Take heart. I doubt your hubby sees the harm in trying to please his parents, to the point of sacrificing relationships from other good people - um, including YOU! Pray for him, have patience, and seek a third party to talk to - if he doesn't want to, then go for your heart & mind so you can be an encouragement to him. 
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/26/2010 12:15:20 PM
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3tulips
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quote:
ORIGINAL: srvHimalone
I’m very disappointed with my husband. We went for a trip to visit my in-laws (mainly meant his parents) and this time was worse than other times. I found my husband to be a “mommy’s boy”.
Is he not your husband, yet? Are you 2 engaged? If so is there any pre-marital counseling being done by the pastor who is going to marry you? If so, bring it up then so it can be discussed. This doesn't sound like anything that will change after your marriage.
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"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts; so I am helped, and my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/30/2010 9:55:17 PM
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CarmenJanes
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I know a real mommma's boy!
Does HIS yard the way Momma tells him, Decorates HIS house the way Momma tells him, Even had surgery on his son cuz Momma said he needed it. Even though him and his wife didn't think so...they did it anyway cuz Momma said! Momma even controls their bank account and pays their bills.
Now THAT'S A MOMMA'S BOY! Just sounds to me like your hubby didn't want to leave his parents alone at a party.
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/30/2010 9:58:53 PM
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CarmenJanes
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3tulips...I don't think that was mean to read like her "husband-to-be" I think she was saying her husband was being a momma's boy. Read it again :-)
"I found my husband (pause) to be a mommy's boy."
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RE: How do you deal with a husband that is a “Mommy’s B... - 7/31/2010 2:58:50 PM
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CMT8808
Posts: 907
Joined: 9/4/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: srvHimalone
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
It could be they were very controlling and he still falls under their thumbs when he is with them.
Deermousie, you’re right. They’re very controlling and my husband still falls under their thumbs soooo obvious when he is with them physically. (I think he doesn’t even know that himself)
Sounds like it some. Pray for him, that God will heal him, and gently ask him sometimes if he feels like he has to do things a certain way or will his parents get mad.
Yes. His parents would definitely get mad and won’t talk to him for a long time. And then my husband will get so hurt. I know…(It happen before)
If this is so, he's a hurtin' guy and you can be a help by understanding and holding him up to God and holding up his reputation before others. Never say anything bad about him to family; they'll never forget it.
I’m the type usually keep things to myself. I will not even talk about this matter or other matters with my own side of family. That’s why I’m so thankful for having this Christian community and you guys to talk to and discuss things with.
God bless you both.
God bless you too.
This all the more reason why he is not a momma's boy, because it appears to be more of a parental thing. (Meaning both parents contribute to his behaviour).
If his parent's were domineering his whole life, maybe he hasn't learned to separate from it now than he has grown. It could be a sort of an abuse that he hasn't learned how to deal with to break the pattern of child/adult because whatever happened they still apparently have the control/ upper hand on him.
Something to consider
CMT
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formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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